


Love and Respect

by SnugglyJjong



Category: SHINee
Genre: Asexuality, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, Relationship(s), Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9399200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnugglyJjong/pseuds/SnugglyJjong
Summary: Jonghyun was always a bit different....Kibum loved him anyway.❤Jonghyun set strict boundaries....Kibum respected all of them.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hellooo :D  
> This is just a little, (more or less) random oneshot about asexuality.. or something close to that :)  
> I wrote it some time ago and actually planned to upload this on my birthday, sadly, my laptop died one day later and I never had the chance to do it :/  
> BUT  
> happily I was able to get my stories back so I wanted to post this too.  
> It's really not something special, but I poured lots of my own feelings into it so it means something to me at least ^^  
> If you feel like reading this:  
> Enjoy!

It's the 23rd of September, Kibum's 19th birthday and with that a really special day for him, but also his boyfriend Jonghyun.  
It was silly, but the thought of this day made the latter really nervous for the past few weeks, to be completely honest, ever since Jonghyun figured out his sexuality.. more or less. While Kibum was what he viewed as 'normal' for a person their age, Jonghyun felt a bit lost and helpless as he noticed he wasn't exactly the same as other teenagers.  
While others started experiencing their sex- and love life at a much younger age, Jonghyun was a virgin to all these things until his 18th year of life. Well, actually the only thing that changed by then was that he had his first kiss ever with a guy he definitely would love to replace with the sweetheart he has now been with for roughly one and a half years.  
Kibum on the other hand was just like everyone else around Jonghyun, he was one of the people in school who had several lovers over the years and had it all. All, everything, things Jonghyun felt like crying about when only thinking about it, but not because his boyfriend had experience and wasn't his first, no. The reason for his behavior was simply himself and his fear of intimacy.  
Jonghyun always wondered what was wrong with him, he felt more distanced to people, he was less into skinship and felt really uncomfortable when it was about romance he could possibly experience in real life and not just in movies.  
Jonghyun had dates before, two guys were so lucky to be completely disappointed by him, what was something Jonghyun always cared and worried about even though it was not his job to please the people he was going out with.  
He knew he just couldn't satisfy their needs, at least that's what he thought, since he felt way too uncomfortable around them. In his eyes, they had expectations he could never come after and that's why he just quit trying to fit in after having the worst date and worst first kiss of his life on December 12th, three years ago.

Jonghyun  was sitting next to Kibum, both just relaxing together, the younger playing something on his phone as both of them waited for a commercial break to be over so they could continue watching the nice movie they discovered would be shown on TV that night.  
It was already late, only a few hours of Kibum's birthday left and that's why Jonghyun was thinking about all this, all these things he felt so uncomfortable with.  
He though about his plan, his desire, all the love he held for the one next to him and could feel how his body slowly started to shake.  
Was this the time.. was this the night they would have their first time ? Would Jonghyun be able to give himself to someone entirely ?  
He started to doubt it with every second passing, but he treasured Kibum so much and he wanted to give something back after the latter always respected him and the lines he had drawn, never ever using him for any of his needs and just.. loving him for who he was.  
Jonghyun felt like it was the right decision to let Kibum be his first. He was everything he ever dreamed of, everything he never thought he would have and yet he was here, bearing with Jonghyun as he didn't feel like having sex or any other sexual intimacy with him at all, although the older perfectly knew that Kibum was a person who.. needed it, right ?   
It was hard for others to have a more or less only romantic and platonic relationship, right ? At least all he witnessed by then was people being cheated on when they wanted to wait and didn't feel ready yet or their relationship to simply break.

A shiver ran down his spine at he thought of these possibilities.  
Kibum wouldn't...  
right ?

It was like something inside the older snapped, he couldn't stand the thought, couldn't stand this pain that shot through his chest the moment he thought about these horrible things.  
He had to do something. He had to make sure Kibum would stay.  
He didn't want to lose the one he could trust without any doubts, didn't want to lose the one who was the only one Jonghyun wanted to give his heart and love to. He hoped with all his heart that every kiss and every blush on his cheeks was showing Kibum how much he meant to him and how hard he tried despite his fear and timidity, but that moment he felt like those things were silly, not important.  
All he could see that moment was something going wrong just because he was so very overwhelmed from love and care, touches and sexual things so that it was impossible for him to properly show someone that he loved them.  
He felt so stupid, but even the words 'I love you.' were rarely slipping past his lips as much as he meant them and as much as he adored his boyfriend with everything he got.  
  
So without him thinking any further, not listening to his heart properly which was clearly telling him not to do it, but was screaming to show Kibum all his love at the same time, his sweaty, shaking palm found its way to Kibum's thigh, his eyes following it as he did something that was even confusing the other.  
The latter turned his head to his left, confusion written all over his face as he could feel Jonghyun's grip on his thigh tighten and his hand even slip further to the inner side of it, touching one of the most sensitive parts of his body.  
He shuddered, feeling something in his abdomen tingle as he slightly pressed his legs together, one side of him being overwhelmed by the sensation, the other side utterly confused by this kind of touch from his lover.  
What was happening was probably making both of them feel very similar and things started to get even more weird as the older promptly leaned in to let their lips melt together in a gentle, but yet so needy kiss.

 _"Mhmm.."_ Kibum protested a little, moved his head back what only caused Jonghyun's fear to grow, he didn't want to hear any questions, he didn't want to be rejected. That moment, he just couldn't stand any bit of negativity. He wanted love, he wanted confirmation. He wanted to feel desired as much as his guts were twisting and turning and making him feel extremely uncomfortable and sick about this whole situation.   
And with that in mind, he tilted his head and deepened the kiss in a way he had never done it before and would have never been able to imagine himself doing, his cheeks burning like crazy and so did his whole body actually as he leaned further and further in while feeling Kibum give in and slowly spread his legs again, not much, but enough for Jonghyun's hand to move with no trouble. Kibum's mind went blank, his eyes closed and lips moving in sync with his boyfriend's, heart racing, skipping several beats. He couldn't believe what was happening, he didn't even know what exactly was happening. 

Jonghyun doing this, being so daring.. it was something he never experienced or expected from him in any way, but as much as he enjoyed it, he could feel that something was off. There had to be something wrong, but he couldn't gain back the strength, which Jonghyun made him lose with his sexiness, to stop this before it was too late. His body was reacting to every touch, every move of Jonghyun's fingers, lips and tongue even and he got completely lost in the overwhelming heat which was spreading inside of him.   
The younger's imagination started to run wild, his fingertips tingling and arms slowly moving to his lover as he felt like he was allowed to touch him, hold him in a more intimate way, feel his heated, noticeably trembling body and showing him his love in a way that was a taboo before.

It was insane, the feelings that rushed through his body, they were so new and never, ever since he fell for Jonghyun, did he think that he would come even the slightest bit as close to what he had been wanting as then. Kibum always wanted to make love with his boyfriend, feel his body, be as close to him as possible and having this intimate bond he only wanted to have with Jonghyun. He always wanted this, always wanted to drown in these intense feelings, being able to touch Jonghyun's naked body, to make him feel like he is flying and now he was so close.. too close.  
_"Jongh-.."_  
" Mmghn _~ "_ Jonghyun interrupted Kibum as the latter managed to break the kiss against his will, closing the gap between them again and letting his hand move up to Kibum's crotch, his heart and movements actually stopping as soon as he could feel the bulge in the younger's jeans. Never ever had he touched Kibum down there, never ever had he felt something like this and while it was just as scary to him as he always imagined it, it almost felt like his heart was melting because of it. Just this, only this was making Kibum hard.. Jonghyun truly felt desired that moment. The older's emotions took control of his body just like Kibum's did only moments earlier, his legs moving now as he lowered himself down onto his boyfriend's lap, straddling it and pressing his body all close to Kibum's, arms moving around his shoulders.  
Their kisses deepened even more, huffs and soft moans ringing in both their ears, their members hardening more and more what Jonghyun didn't even notice anymore. He was too lost, way too lost.  
  
_"Nghm-ah_ _.."_ Suddenly, Jonghyun jolted awake from his trance like state, his head moving back, eyes wide and lips parted as he gazed into Kibum's half lidded ones which showed lots of concern that moment.  
_"uh.."_ Kibum breathed softly, smiling a little and moving his hands away from Jonghyun's butt which he just touched and squeezed a little, quickly realizing that he did something against Jonghyun's liking, but he wasn't sad or mad in the slightest way. After all, he was convinced that something was weird about all this in the first place.  
_"I-I.."_ Jonghyun stuttered as reality hit him hard, finally noticing how far he had gone, the position they ended up in and also how turned on both of them were. He felt a shiver run down his spine, his face heating up even more and he couldn't help but felt like crying, tears soon gathering in his eyes before he had no control over them anymore, letting them roll down his cheeks freely.  
_"Jonghyun, hey no why.. no hey, don't cry everything is fine.."_ Supportive, strong arms found their way around the older's trembling frame, holding him close again and already managing to calm jonghyun down a little even though he was still a sobbing mess.  
  
Everything is fine.. that's what Kibum said, yet Jonghyun felt like he yet again disappointed someone and added to that it felt like he betrayed himself by doing something he didn't like. He felt dirty and bad and once again like he failed at showing his love, like he fucked up and the younger would think he didn't want it, because he didn't trust him enough or anything similar. Jonghyun completely forgot about every conversation they had before and every time Kibum had told him that he accepts him for who he is and wouldn't need sex in any way if it meant that Jonghyun was happy and that they could be a couple. Everything that counted was their love and comfort, it was everything both needed, in no way did Kibum ever feel disappointed in Jonghyun or their relationship, but he understood that Jonghyun was insecure. He knew Jonghyun pretty well, was happy that he was the one Jonghyun trusted and he would do his best to never forget anything the older had entrusted him with over the time they would date.  
It was so cute in his opinion, the way Jonghyun behaved, felt and showed his love. He loved it and he loved how pure their love and relationship was. Cuddling was enough for him, kissing Jonghyun tenderly, lovingly and whispering sweet nothings into his ear to make him blush. It was beautiful, but Jonghyun was blinded by his own insecurities. It was saddening Kibum, but he understood and didn't judge. If it meant he had to reassure Jonghyun about his love again and again, then that was what he would do, each and every day if needed.  
  
_"Jonghyun this.. what happened, I don't think it was something you really wanted."_ Kibum spoke with his gentle voice, his right palm brushing over Jonghyun's back as the latter continued to cry, sobbing even more and nodding his head to his love's words, admitting that he actually didn't want it. There was no need to lie and Jonghyun also didn't want to lie to his boyfriend.  
Kibum waited a few seconds before asking another question, his hand now moving up to Jonghyun's nape, caressing the soft, short hair there.  
_"Why did you do this, Jjongie_ _? I mean, you know.. what happened so suddenly?"_ A soft sigh escaped his lips afterwards while Jonghyun was burying his face in the crook of his neck, suddenly holding onto him like his life depended on it what was something that the younger didn't quite understand by then, since he hasn't heard Jonghyun's reason behind his actions yet.  
_"I.. don't I.. felt stupid and yeah I didn't want you to.. leave me, because I d-don't want all this stuff..."_ Jonghyun mumbled against warm skin, afraid of actually telling Kibum what was going on inside his head, but then again he knew that his lover wouldn't react in a bad way, he never did. Kibum always understood.  
_"Don't feel stupid."_ Kibum said, moving his head to place a soft kiss on Jonghyun's temple, what was the only spot he could reach by then, before adding. _"And hey, baby.. why should I ever leave you because of this, how could I?"_

Jonghyun was able to hear that Kibum was smiling while asking yet another question, a question he had lots of answer to, but he knew that those wouldn't apply to Kibum, so telling them would've been a waste of time and unnecessary stress, but even without saying it, it seemed like the other knew exactly what reasons Jonghyun had in mind.  
_"Jjong really, all I want is you to be happy and comfortable, because that's when I'm feeling the same way and I know it's the same for you, so don't worry, yeah ? I understand your worries and believe me, I enjoyed what just happened, it was wonderful, but it's nothing I want if you don't want it, truly want it. I'm sorry that I had let it happen and for touching you inappropriately. I was pretty overwhelmed and even though you couldn't control yourself well either, I truly felt that what you did was not only caused by worry but also love. That's why it was pretty hard for me not to give in to this. I hope you understand. I didn't want to scare you with my actions nor did I had in mind to use the opportunity to do something you wouldn't want in a normal state of mind, yes?"_ Jonghyun could hear Kibum's voice shake a bit as soon as he started to tell him that he didn't want to use him and why exactly he didn't make Jonghyun stop earlier. It was clear that Kibum was scared too, all this scared him just as much, but on such a different level. Jonghyun shook his head before leaning a bit back to face his lover, just to see that he as well had teary eyes by then. 

Jonghyun shook his head quickly, chewing on his lower lip as he thought about what to say. Happily it didn't take him too long to find words and so he was able to prevent Kibum from actually shedding a single tear, a smile slowly blooming on his plump lips as he could see tension and worry fade away, the smile simply being returned.  
_"I know you would never do something like that, Kibum and no.. no, you don't have to apologize for that. Something like this hasn't even crossed my mind once. I just wanted.. I wanted to give something back to you and like.. because it's your birthday-"_  
_"No oh Jonghyun, you give me back so much, don't think like that about yourself.."_  
_"I truly felt like I wanted to give myself to you now.. You know, it.. it makes me sad too that I feel how I feel, because actually I want it. I want to make love with you and I want to be so close to you, only you.. I want it so so much, but..."_  
"It doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like you're ready.. you're scared of it."  
_"Yeah."_ Jonghyun breathed, a crooked smile on his lips as he looked down, avoiding eye contact that moment and Kibum didn't mind that he wasn't feeling like showing his face as a few more tears continued to drip down onto Kibum's soft pink shirt.  
_"That's fine, to be honest it scares me too, maybe not in the same way, but you're not alone when it comes to that and hey, many people need a long time to feel ready or just don't ever want it and that's totally fine, too."_ Kibum said, the smile from before still remaining on his lips, getting much wider actually.  
He really was happy that Jonghyun didn't feel bad about him in any way and he could see in Jonghyun's eyes and the way he smiled, that the older felt the same way after what Kibum just said.

 _"I love you, Jonghyun and I won't ever disrespect your decisions in any way."_ And because of not expecting the following reply in any way, Kibum's heart and the butterflies in his belly were once more going all crazy because of Jonghyun's loveliness as the latter leaned in to peck his lips and whisper back.  
_"I love you too, Kibum. Thank you and be sure that I won't ever disrespect you either."_  
And with that being said, the two kept on cuddling on the couch a little longer, before they decided to go to bed and continue there, words of love filling the air just like a fluffy atmosphere as the two showered each other with sweetness and made sure that no more misunderstanding would arise for a long time. Deep conversations and cute little giggles following until they both fell asleep in each others arms and with a content smile on their lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it and im sorry for any mistakes or confusing sentences ^^''  
> I'd love to know what you think and/or if you liked it :)  
> I know this topic can be confusing and portrayed very differently from person to person so please don't think this is how asexuality works for everyone <3  
> Anyway, thank you all for showing interest in this, it means the world to me ;;  
> have a nice day, everyone <3


End file.
